So, spent last week in a hotel, without access to write my blog. Frustration at “being late” is overwhelming, and almost had me giving up on publishing this journal entry. But, then I thought about it – it is my deadline, my blog. The only people that hold me accountable are my readers and me. So far, I haven’t any complaints from you, so that means I am the only one who noticed I didn’t post on the 12th.
This thought has taken so much pressure off of me. I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself, except my desire to be consistent means so much… or so I think. Is it that important, especially when life takes a slight left turn and pulls me away?
Yes, it is important. It is important in a way that goes beyond just “hey you missed your deadline” “because I didn’t have access to my blog.” I should have thought about it BEFORE I left and been prepared for the contingency, but I wasn’t. What does that look like to you? That I am lazy and have every excuse in the world?
Is that the person I want to share with the world? No, it is not. Yet, here I am sharing that person anyway, because, I need to own it. I cannot let the pressure get to me, and I can’t allow a lack of pressure either. I am still searching for that balance, not sure if I will ever find it. Here’s hoping I can. Soon.