Deanna Repose Oaks

All about my written words.

love

Dr. Seuss Day…

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… aka Read Across America Day 2022 is March 2, 2022.

I never thought reading about a national day of reading would make me feel so much. When I planned this post, I planned to write about how Dr. Seuss was my first favorite author, and how his stories spawned my love of poetry, but then I realized it might be too repetitive (see My Love of Poetry). To keep from being repetitive, I changed tactics and decided to research the day instead. The Mandela Effect had me believing March 2nd was “Dr. Seuss Day” when, in actuality, it is “Read Across America Day” – a day celebrates reading on Dr. Seuss’s birthday because he’s the author that got a LOT of us reading. Easy to confuse, right?

National Educational Association, who founded Read Across America Day in 1998, encourages educational institutions and libraries to inspire people to read. They set up a calendar with suggested readings for every month, not just March… scrolling through their calendar, the following entries sent me sideways.

  • Nov 2021: Explore Ancestry and Identity [I don’t have that, I’m adopted]
  • Feb 2022: Explore Families and History [Both of mine are broken]
  • Apr 2022: Nuture a Sense of Belonging [I’m a white girl with latin culture, always out of place]

Instead of writing an uplifting post about Dr. Seuss’s “day”, here I am sobbing my eyes out over my broken families and lack of true family history. Re-feeling all the rejection I have felt from EVERY facet of of my life, most times twice.

As a writer, I’m supposed to write stories that make you WANT to read what I write. Please forgive me for all the feels. I promise to write something better next time.

I don’t know if I’m freaked out that the algorithm knew I needed to read this or if the universe sent me this saying on purpose today:

Either way, I think it is a fitting reminder that it doesn’t matter if the people I love do not return their love to me, as long as I love myself. Now, I’m off for some self-care.

Out of the Blue

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Into the blue
Why is it that you
Keep me in your thoughts
Way past the death of forget me nots?
Why is it that you won’t let go
Of the past, that haunts so?
I moved on, so far away
Keeping the memories of you at bay.
Yet you turn up, out of the blue
With all of the memories, hatred too.
I wish I could be indifferent as you once said,
“You can’t hate without a love once bled.
Indifference is the only key
To fully be rid of the passion, see?”
I still hate because the love still lives
Even though I have another that gives
More to me than you ever could
Much more even than you ever would….

Prompt 3

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I hung “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe above my chamber door, forevermore in 2007. It is my favorite piece of art, even though it isn’t a painting. I love how the words echo through the stanzas, the meter is haunting, and the subject matter is dark.

Ravens were the most interesting part of the Tower of London when I toured Great Britain in 2009. The birds fascinated me not only because they reminded me of the poem, but because of the lore that preceded the poem. Charles II of England believed that if less than 6 Ravens lived at Tower, the monarchy would fall. He made it law that 6 were to remain in captivity, even though during his time, when the Tower was a torture chamber of sorts, ravens hung around of their own accord due to the abundance of food. Learning about this lore in London, which predates Mr. Poe’s poem by over 200 years, gave the poem such deeper meaning.

My most favorite part is that on the opposite side of that same wall is Corinthians 1:13. As I walk into the room, I am reminded of the love within it; when I walk out of the room, I am reminded of what life can be like without it.

What I Want From You

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I want more than grunts & grumbles
More than 1 syllable answers to questions
More than staring at cell phone screens
Ignorance
Blasphemy
And all that you seem
To want more than me

I want cuddles
Truths
Sacrifice
Love
Something greater than misery

But you offer none of that
Less I am sure
Because that is what I get
Every day
Forevermore

Shattered Vase

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On my desk, sits a vase, red
The flowers, once given, long dead
The vase, now covered in dust
Made of glass, will never rust
Long-standing, sturdy, true
Emitting a strong red hue
You admire the glass, push it right then left
A gift you gave, now bereft
Soon, you push it toward the ledge
It leaves the desk, over the edge
Landing on the floor, in jagged shards
Cutting my feet, leaving scars

Complex Love #2

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Heart strings entwine
Into terrible knots
Too complex to untangle
Or explain using ink blots

Start loving without a need for love
Send love into the world
Rather than pulling it in
The knots will untangle
As the strings stretch out
Peace will replace the knots within