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Journal #29

October 22, 2020 by Deanna Repose Oaks

So… this past week has been nothing but panic attack after panic attack. I spent too much time around too many people – and now all I can think is “I am patient 0; everyone who gets sick from here on out is my fault.” I think this even though I am not sick… THEN my body reacts like I am sick.

I know I am not sick because the minute I talk myself OUT of the panic attack, my symptoms disappear and I am fine again. (It helps that I am not running a fever.) Yet, the attacks keep coming and there are times I can’t stop without voicing my panic and someone else talks me out of it.

I know there are people out there who are dealing with this and don’t have someone to help them talk them out of it. My heart goes out to them. I don’t know how I would function without my support system.

I need to stop writing about this now; I can feel another panic setting in.

Filed Under: My Writing Life Tagged With: contagion, covid19, panic attacks

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