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Journal #21

May 14, 2020 by Deanna Repose Oaks

Time has been more fluid lately due to the sameness of being at home all the time. My writing is at a stand-still for the most part. Trying to keep my head above water in other areas of my life, couldn’t spare the time or the space needed to devote to writing a daily 200-word post. This, of course, led to feeling utterly defeated, which furthered the distance between my typewriter and me.

I learned a lot though. First, I should schedule my posts farther out, just in case a pandemic breaks out.

I also learned that I do want to write for a living – to stay home with my family instead of working a day job that doesn’t allow me the freedom to be where I want to be. I want my writing to be my day job. Don’t know how to accomplish it yet though. My novel isn’t done, my next book of poetry needs SERIOUS help, and I am feeling under-skilled in everything I do. WANT, WANT, WANT when I must DO< DO< DO.

I’m putting off finishing my writing prompt goals. Instead, I’m focusing my energies on getting my work under control. Putting a serious, focused effort into a better finished product for both my novel and my next book of poetry. By postponing my overwhelming goals to another time, I’ve not given up and I have not failed. It is still a goal, just one I won’t finish in the time I allotted to complete it. It seems fair to relieve me of this burden during this time of immense stress due to a worldwide pandemic.

It also feels good to work towards a finish line on things I’ve been procrastinating about for years – “not good enough” – stuff that I know can make better if I just get the feelings flowing again. I’m ready for the work I need to put into it.

Filed Under: My Writing Life

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